Welcome to PDA Experts

Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA): When Everyday Demands Feel Impossible

Welcome to our website! We’re so glad you’re here. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, or professional, you may have found yourself searching for answers to behavior that feels confusing, exhausting, or even overwhelming. Perhaps you’ve tried traditional strategies that just don’t seem to work—and instead, things are escalating. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you’re in the right place.

One possible explanation is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), a complex profile of autism that centers on an intense anxiety-driven need to be in control and to avoid everyday demands. PDA is not about being oppositional or defiant in a typical way—it’s about survival-level distress in response to expectations, even simple ones.

What This Might Look Like

Families and professionals often come to us after months or years of challenges that don’t seem to fit any typical mold. You may have noticed:

• Extreme resistance to everyday requests – from getting dressed, going to school, or even doing things they previously enjoyed.

• Sudden emotional outbursts or meltdowns – triggered by what seem like minor requests or transitions.

• Refusal that feels unpredictable or manipulative – but isn’t helped by firm limits, consequences, or rewards.

• Anxiety masked by control-seeking behavior – such as scripting, role-play, or dominating interactions.

• Social strategies used to avoid demands – like distraction, negotiation, excuses, or even charm.

• Difficulty with routine and structure – but also discomfort with unstructured time.

• Overwhelming reactions to being told “no” – sometimes leading to aggression or shutting down.

These behaviors are often misunderstood. Children or teens with PDA are frequently labeled as “naughty,” “manipulative,” " defiant" or “non-compliant”—when in fact, they are experiencing intense, often hidden anxiety in response to demands that most people can manage with ease.

Why It’s So Hard to Parent or Teach a Child with PDA

What makes PDA especially challenging is that typical parenting and teaching strategies often make things worse. Sticker charts, consequences, even well-meaning praise can all be perceived as demands and trigger more distress.

Furthermore, parents have been receiving mixed messages from professionals for years. Have you heard variations of "this is a parenting problem." "you need to just show them who is boss" or "have you tried just taking away their electronics?"

This leaves parents feeling helpless and burnt out. Teachers and therapists may feel confused or question their approach. Relationships suffer. And most importantly, the child is misunderstood and unsupported.

There Is Help—and Hope

Justin and Rachelle specialize in understanding PDA and supporting families and professionals to find new, more effective ways to connect, reduce anxiety, and build trust. Our approach is trauma-informed, respectful of neurodiversity, and rooted in the belief that every child is doing the best they can with the tools they have.

We’re here to walk alongside you as you learn more, unlearn what no longer works, and try new ways of approaching the world with compassion and flexibility.

Stay tuned for more blogs, resources, and stories from families just like yours.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

If this post resonates with you, reach out. We’re here to help.